Mike's "I hate blogs" blog

What you need to know: Played by Sacha Baron Cohen of Ali G fame, Borat Sagdiyev is a Kazakh journalist who crosses America with the goal of marrying Pamela Anderson. With a heavily accented and limited English vocabulary, deeply bigoted views and a tacky wardrobe, hilarity ensues as Borat travels the (mostly Southern) states to learn more about America and its populace. Cheese made from human breast milk is served, male nude wrestling is showcased and urban youth emulated in an attempt to bring laughter to the big screen.
Why you should go: The behavior you will witness on screen will play well in future arguments with the undergrad you’re dating. Whenever she complains about how you have a dirty apartment, don’t do the dishes or roll your eyes whenever she talks about Britney, you can just say “Well yes, but at least I don’t …“ and finish the sentence with anything that you have seen in the movie. This film also presents you with perfect opportunity to showcase your sensitive side by saying things like “I support your right as a woman to make cheese out of breast milk” which is likely the only opportunity in your life to utter these words and not have them result in considerable puzzlement from those around you.
Why you shouldn’t go: You may have a difficult time explaining to your date why you said “true that” when Borat spoke about his sister being a prostitute. Additionally, if those in your movie viewing party hold any belief in political correctness this movie will walk, cross and jump over that line time and time again. That will make your uproarious and uncontrollable laughter look very bad, especially in comparison to the shocked expressions on your companions’ faces.

Continue reading "Movie Review: Borat" »

Posted by cZulander at 10:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Happy New Year everyone. I know I haven't written in a while but I have many new entries planned for this new year, so once and for all get off my new back.

Posted by cZulander at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

That's right, you're not imagining things - there's a gigantic boob in this picture. Whoever carved this into the western Virginia landscape really needs to find something better to do with his time. Like writing a blog.

Not that I have a problem with large sculptures or breasts for that matter. I often group them into the same category of "beautiful but distracting." My problem lies in the fact that if Virginia is your 18 year old, busty cousin, the Midwest is more like your flat chested neighbor: you know you don't belong in Virginia, but boy wouldn't it be a lot more fun.

Posted by cZulander at 10:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

What you need to know: Set in South Boston, The Departed is a story focusing on the divergent career paths of two young men trying to arise from poverty. One decides to work for “the man” and lives in luxury with his gorgeous girlfriend. The other chooses “civil service” and hides out with thugs while taking prescription medication for his anxiety. Their lives then re-converge as they both end up getting screwed over in the end.
Why you should go: Since we’ll all be working for “the man” soon enough, I think this “feel good” movie will appeal to most b-school students. Additionally, although the undergrad you’re dating was too young to see Leonardo Di’Caprio in Titanic, she’ll still enjoy his now matured heart-throb status. Not only does this bode well for your GSB average age of 28, you’ll enjoy an actual plot which has somehow made it past the Hollywood “lowest common denominator” gauntlet.
Why you shouldn’t go: Because you’ve finally gotten off the kidney transplant list and need to have your operation right away. Simultaneously, you’ve secured your dream job which offers you a health plan that covers work performed by doctors who aren’t in their residencies.

Continue reading "Movie Review: The Departed" »

Posted by cZulander at 11:34 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

The road to Climax can be a tricky one – there are sharp turns, blind corners and unexpected bumps along the way but with enough patience, care and guidance from others it is well worth the experience. I was tipped off to Climax by Google of all things (it’s amazing what you can find on the Internet) while planning my trip to Michigan.

According to the directions, I could reach Climax by simply getting off the highway. Intrigued, I followed the instructions only to find no signs or directions on how to reach the actual Climax. All I had was an arrow pointing to its general vicinity. It felt like I had traveled all this way only to be let down at the very last moment. Refusing to give up so easily, I made a final dash at full speed for Climax. It turned out that the street I was on led to a fork in the road where I needed to blindly guess which way Climax laid. Perspiring from the stress of fumbling about in the figurative dark, I was momentarily frozen by having to figure out on the spot which way to go.

Continue reading "Exit 88 to Climax" »

Posted by cZulander at 06:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Not like the world needed any more proof of what a bad ass I am, but in case there's ever been a doubt allow the following quote to set the record straight:

"Blogging has become a socially accepted practice - just as are dating seriously too young, underage drinking and general misbehaving," notes the monthly of the Reformed Church of God, Ambassador Youth.

So, since I am/have been/will be guilty of those practices, I believe my case for badness is made.

Score
Mike: 1 - Oh yeah!
Silly zealots who know squat about blogging: 0 - For knowing squat about blogging

Posted by cZulander at 08:16 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

What you need to know: A native Spanish speaker, talking in English throughout the movie, is conned by his French speaking mother to move to Paris. His next door neighbor who speaks French with an English accent finds his quirky character interesting and fuels his delusions while simultaneously being surprised at his more unusual behaviors.
Why you should go: Because the undergrad you’re dating will be impressed by the existence of subtitles but not turned off by having to read too much as most of the film is in English. The compulsory open ending in any non-American film will also allow you to play the “what if” game over drinks afterward.
Why you shouldn’t go: Because this movie is a great example of Hollywood trying to apply the least common denominator formula to yet another film genre. Additionally, this movie suffers from a severe lack of violence, nudity or continuity in its plot.

Continue reading "Movie review: The Science of Sleep" »

Posted by cZulander at 01:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So I was cooking dinner the other night, and said to myself “This chicken vindaloo is going to be so hot, it’ll bring tears to my eyes.” Not five minutes later, while stirring the delicious concoction, the damn thing splashes into my eye causing me to well up with tears before running to the sink to wash it out. After the cursing had ended (so about an hour later) I realized that I had a “gift” of dictating the future. My subsequent wishes, which will remain nameless, have yet to come true but let me warn enemies of mine to shake in fear and ask for help making a large deposit of gold bars to my bank. I’m not sure what I’ll do with all the virgins when they’ll arrive, but from what I’ve seen in “videos” those kinds of girls somehow find a way of entertaining themselves.

Score
Mike: 1 – For being a fortune telling super genie
My bank: 1 – For the influx of capital at your ridiculously low interest rates
The virgins: 1 – This is just way too obvious if you’ve ever read this blog

Posted by cZulander at 02:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

"Raki is the answer, I don't remember the question" - a funny anecdote, a sign of a drinking problem or early onset Alzheimer’s? Who cares - it’s a souvenir!

Posted by cZulander at 02:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

At some point in my life, likely a moment of great weakness or intoxication, I decided to become a good GSB citizen by contributing back to the school. Even though memories of torturing our 2nd year trip leaders on the Alaska Random Walk were still fresh in my mind (who thought tattooing a “Can’t touch this” sign on the back of a freshly shaved head could be so much fun and yet so difficult to remove), I decided to volunteer to lead a trip to Turkey. In typical self-denial I thought that things would be different; I mean, what are the chances that the first year group would repeat our folly and misspell “can’t”? I’d have never guessed a misplaced apostrophe and the letter “u” could cause so much ill will.

Continue reading "Turkey in August" »

Posted by cZulander at 01:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)