Mike's "I hate blogs" blog

So its the Friday before the 4th of July weekend, so chances are none of you are working hard (if at all) anyway. To help with your goal of procrastination, I present some of this week's most...interesting (?) news stories:

Proof that pigs can fly (oh man, I'm going to hell for that one).

Instead of warning parents about sexual predators targeting teens through Myspace, Dateline should warn predators about teens targeting them.

And finally, what happens when religious clowns go crazy? People ask themselves exactly what kind of websites I visit to find these stories and then click this link to find out.

Posted by cZulander at 06:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

After many hours of video editing and wondering why on earth I actually thought this was a good idea, the story of my journey which I promised earlier is finally here.

So what happens when you put a GSB student in a car, give him a video camera and send him on a 1,000 mile journey through some of the most boring roadways in America? Hilarity, that's what.

And by hilarity I mean more of "laughing at you" than "laughing with you" type of funny. Enjoy!

Windows Media (17.6Mb)

Ipod Video/Apple QuickTime (23.2Mb)

Disclaimer: All views expressed in the video are for comedic value and should not be taken seriously or reflective of fact, so don't get offended just because your state sucks.

Posted by cZulander at 04:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

It's Friday, which means we've all survived yet another week slaving away for "the man." If you're bummed because you screwed up at work this week, got yelled at by your boss or made yet another faux pas in front of the hottest intern at your office, know that there is at least one person out there who is having an even worse time at life than you. From http://www.kirotv.com/news/9413774/detail.html:

"Officers responding to a welfare check of a man in a tree in Kitsap County accidentally shot the man in an attempt to use a Taser on him."

Let this also be a life lesson to you - if you climb a tree to rescue a cat, to have some quiet time to gather your thoughts or if you are just looking for some exercise, do it quickly because otherwise the cops will come and shoot you. Have a good weekend everybody!

Posted by cZulander at 09:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In life, lessons come at the most unexpected of times. If today is any sort of indication they also seem to travel in packs, like the wilder beast of the Serengeti, but with less noise and a better smell. So what did I learn today?

Lesson #1: Non-dairy powdered creamer does not dissolve well in cold water. And by well, I mean not at all
Lesson #2: Fidelity likes to mess with people's heads
Lesson #3: Buying liquor in a state different than the one you reside in triggers a fraud alert on your credit card

#1 is self explanatory

#2 occured when I tried to change my contribution levels on Fidelity's automated 401k system. After being told that a 0% contribution is allowed by my company and instruted by Fidelity itself to press zero to opt out, the resultant message was "Sorry, but (pause) zero (pause) percent (pause) is not allowed. Please try again." That in itself was annoying enough, but not nearly as much as having the dozen funds my contribution is divested among read to me over and over again. Argh. Damn you!

That last one was the most biting, as after an exhaustive search of the local malls, strip malls and the seedy underbelly of mom & pop shops in Cary, I finally located an establishment which sells more than just beer. The proximity to the Bible Belt seems to extend some form of influence on these establishments, as the only place to buy liquor in this area is the “ABC” stores (their real name, really). Now, this is confusing to me as such a primordial combination of letters seems to imply that the basic building block of life is alcohol. Far for it be for me to disagree and instead strongly support this statement, but one would think that if you’re going to hide your fire water from the gullible flock, you’d want to name the stores something like “Devil’s Revenge” or “Forfeit all hope ye who enter here, except the non-believers who are already dead inside.” Yet I digress. So there I stand, product and credit card at the ready, when the kindly gentleman at the counter informs me that my method of payment is not working for some reason. Now mind you, I left Chicago two weeks ago today. I’ve bought fuel, food, shirts, alpacas and the occasional anti-biotic across 7 states and not a peep from Citibank. Yet one trip to the ‘ABC’ and bam, my card is frozen.

Posted by cZulander at 12:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

From: "Conrad" <umetitu@aip.com.br>
To: <webmaster@xxxxxxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: getting to know you

Hi,
Hope I am not writing to wrong address. I am nice, pretty looking
girl. I am planning on visiting your town this month. Can 
we meet each other in person? Messagae me back at tjf@mailforfreedom.com

Posted by cZulander at 07:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Congrats to Audi on yet another win at Le Mans, with a diesel powered engine none the less. Yes, it's not the first diesel race car, but props to Audi for raising the profile of this "other" fuel.

Posted by cZulander at 08:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I can't believe it's been a week since I've moved to NC. So, how is my internship going? Really well actually, once you get past the IT hiccups. Perhaps my experience showcases why I got the heck out of the IT field, as nothing ever works correctly the first time out of the box, especially when you get into multi-platform communications. But this isn’t a diatribe on the current state of technology, so here are my summer work stats at a glance:
Boss – great guy; fun & nice
Co-workers – mostly older, mostly quiet
Babes – 2

Details:

My summer is divided between two projects. The first is a cross between a marketing study and a business development case for a series of automated products. The second is working in support of an autonomous vehicle currently in an advanced prototyping phase. What does ‘in support of’ mean? Well, I don’t know yet. My boss hasn’t revealed to me exactly what he wants me to do on this task and I’ve been busy enough with the first project not to go clamoring for even more work. I did get a bumper sticker which reads “My other car is autonomous” so that means I’ll eventually get to work on it, right?

I think the biggest change (and challenge) this summer has been waking up in the 6:30am timeframe. I am NOT a morning person. Alas, the business world is a stern mistress and with the full heat of the North Carolina summers approaching, I’m just going to have to suck it up and get used to it. The other adjustment I’ve had to make is to get used to actually having decent health, dental and ocular insurance. Now if only I can compress any health issues, accidents, incidents and careless indiscretions into this two month period I’ll be golden.

Scores:
Mike: 1 - for what looks like a rocking summer
Boss: 1 - for having me as an intern
Babes: 1 - for having me as my boss' intern
Co-workers: 0 - for not being hot babes

Posted by cZulander at 07:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

As the saying goes, "When in Rome, go see a Bulls game" but then again I've never been good at remembering things, squash and wood carving. I forget where I was going with this. Anyhow, it was John Deere day at the Durham Bulls game yesterday meaning the poor suckers who work there received discounted tickets and "Bulls Bucks" to spend on beer. The moolah wasn't limited to just this one item, but this is a baseball game where I’m told part of the “fun” is to get drunk and make an ass of yourself.

To counteract this tendency of fans, the stadium officials decided to set the price of the nectar of the gods (beer) so high that the spectators wouldn’t be able to afford getting drunk at the games. This wisdom and concern on “the man’s” part demonstrates to me his compassion for us lowly mortals, rather than the ugly price gouging everyone else accuses professional sports leagues of.

Score:
Mike: 1 - for seeing a game, fraternizing and drinking beer for a grand total of $6
Deere: 1 - for sponsoring a great time out
Bulls: 0 - for getting their ass handed to them by Buffalo 6:1

Posted by cZulander at 11:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

From: "Glenn" <vkxkwbive@ge.com>
To: <webmaster@xxxxxxxxxxxx.com>
Cc: <info@xxxxxxxxxxxx.com>
Subject: looking for someone?

Hello my dear friend
I was looking through the web bfew weeks agoa and found 
your profile. Now I decided to email you to get to knoaw
you better. I am coming to your country in fewb weeks
a
and thought may be we can meet each other. I am pretty
looking girl. I am 25. Do not rbeply to this address 
diraectly. Ebmail me baback at nhyqb@mailforfreedom.com

Posted by cZulander at 10:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

After 1,039 miles, countless states (ok, only 7 and one district but I bet you small birds and mammals couldn't count that high) I have reached my summer destination. Safely. Well, at least for me and not the millions of bugs now scattered over the front of my car. So, how is North Carolina? Allow this image to summarize:

Ok, so that picture is actually from the Hoover Dam near Las Vegas, but frankly the 90F temps and high humidity make it seem like it is just as hot. On the upside, my corporate apartment is quite pimp. Not only is it fully furnished, but it also has a balcony for me to walk on (at 6am when the temperature has yet to go up) and a garage, which I rented with the intent of keeping my car out of the sun and cool only to find out the inside is a balmy 100F. If I buy a little hibachi grill, a ladle and bring a bucket of water I can create my own sauna. So there you go: balcony, garage and sauna. Ok, enough BS, here are some pics of the pad:

Posted by cZulander at 10:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I left Chicago early Thursday morning headed to Maryland. Although my internship is actually in Cary, NC I was hoping to visit friends along the eastern seaboard and split the trip into multiple shorter distances. Unfortunately, I don't seem to know anyone that lives anywhere between IL and MD so the first leg was a 700 mile drive. (click on read more for a few pictures from the trip).

Even before reaching the half way point, my car reached 18,000 miles on the odo.

As expected, driving through the midwest meant boring flat stretches of road. This all changed once I got to Pennsylvania and the highway became hilly and windy.

Along the way is the only wind generation station I have seen on the East Coast. Readers from the West Coast are probably used to the sight of these "fans" but for us "right coasters" it is an unusual sight.

Tonight I am spending the night in southern Virginia, with a final push to North Carolina coming Sunday afternoon. During the trip I've been working on a side project, a kind of video-cumentary which basically is just me ragging on the different states & cities I find myself driving through. Those that got a sneak preview got a good laugh out of it, so hopefully once a final cut is made, a wider audience will also find it amusing.

Posted by cZulander at 11:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

A big thanks to Jason for setting up the necessary software to get this blog going. Now Jason, if you only get Johnny's site off your server, maybe the two daily visitors to my page could get faster load times.

Score:
Mike: 1 - for having a blog
Jason: 1 - for being a nice guy

Posted by cZulander at 12:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)