Cubicle Hell (or why Mondays suck)
Living in cubicle land for a month has not come without its casualties, mostly inflicted by others upon my meek self. One very quickly becomes acquainted with the (annoying) habits of nearby occupants and hallway passer-bys. For example, take the guy who routinely whistles and snaps his fingers while walking. Frankly, I don’t care if he just had the most wonderful night of his life, waking up to the soft caresses of Heidi Klum and Eva Longoria or Clay Aiken and David Hasselhoff or even a sheep and a cow for all I know and care, but that does not give him the right to annoy the crap out of me.
Worse yet is the office "laugher" who mysteriously finds every other word spoken uproariously hilarious. For crying out loud, nothing is that funny, except perhaps this blog and I know for a fact that she doesn’t read it as the laugher is sporadic rather than continuous.
Lest you think the pot is calling the kettle black, let me tell you about my own office demeanor. First of all, I value hygiene and ensure I smell good all day by liberally applying cologne each morning. The tears in the eyes of those sitting nearby demonstrate to me their heart felt appreciation for the efforts I go through for them. Secondly, I realize I’m part of a team and make sure everyone is treated fairly by making my witty remarks loud enough for everyone to hear and even repeat the funny ones continuously until everyone “gets it.” Finally, being a staunch believer in equality and the woman’s value in the workplace, I make sure to congratulate my female co-workers on a job well done with a kind word about their dress and a firm pat on the behind. And how am I repaid for my kindness? Every morning I find my cubicle moved to the basement, a new voicemail from HR and groans from those around me when I finally put all of my stuff back. Let me assure you though that no amount of practical jokes will dissuade me from spreading my message of good manners and gentlemen civility throughout the business world jungle.
Score:
Mike: 1 – for being me
Co-Workers: 1 – for being near me
Pranksters moving my stuff and pretending to be HR: 0 – you’re just not that funny
Comments
I was just about to leave a message appreciating your sense of humor and how this was the funniest post you had ever written...but then I realized that, knowing you, you probably wrote this in all seriousness! (P.s: Go easy on the cologne mate, I saw that the air pollution index went haywire in NC ever since you moved there.
Posted by: cynicalromantic | July 20, 2006 04:23 PM