Mike's "I hate blogs" blog

There seems to be a disconnect between the two sides of the Atlantic. On the right side (which is the left side) where I reside, people respect me. I know this for a fact, even without drinking. It is the wrong side (the right side) that hasn’t gotten the message of my (self) importance. I give you as Exhibit A an e-mail I recently received from a company in Germany regarding my on-line purchase.

Dear Mr. cZulander,

thank you for your order and prompt payment.
Due to our vacation till 25.08.06 we can send the XXXXXXX XXXXX end of August.
Thank you for your comprehension.

Best regards,
Kerstin XXXXXX

To this, I carefuly chose my words and replied:

Dear Kerstin,

I hate you. I hate your company. I will change my flight plans to Turkey to ensure I fly through
your rustic Nazi loving village and personally kick your ass. If you are hot, and a girl instead 
of some lame emo boy with a chick's name, than I will show you hot monkey love. Otherwise an 
ass kicking awaits. Blow me,

cZulander

Score
Mike: 1 - take that you peace loving makers of wonderful cars
Germany: 1 - for learning an important life lesson

Posted by cZulander at 10:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I’ve always been of the opinion that “the man” is out to get me. At different times and in different situations, the idea of whom or what “the man” is has changed, transcending gender, ideological and metaphysical realms. Now most would scuff at the notion that a being or force in the universe viewed me important enough to take the time out of its busy schedule just to screw with me. Before you fall into the same trap dear reader, realize that these people simply don’t know how important I am and their little minds have only a simpleton’s concept of time. I pray you don’t fall into the same trap. For the disbelievers out there, allow me to illustrate.

What you see before you is the R-Gator. It has enough computers and sensors on board to end the Iraqi conflict by diplomatic means. However it chooses to use its power not on such wasteful pass times, but rather on identifying obstacles in its path and maneuvering to avoid them. It is what the intelligencia term an “autonomous vehicle” – I call it, chick - magnet - extraordinaire - with - obstacle - avoidance - technology - and - ability - to - bring - about - world - peace - version-2.0. What does all of that have to do with “the man’s” agenda against me? Simple. We were giving a live demonstration of the R-Gator to a potential client during the two hottest days so far this summer. Now, 100F days may not be that difficult to believe in North Carolina, but the demo took place in a wooded area an hour west of Boston. Those kinds of temperatures are unheard of that far north! I still remember living in Boston as a kid and running from the window during the winter to yell “Mommy, mommy, the polar bears are migrating!” And then my mom would get a tear in her eye and say what a “special” boy she had and tell me not to take the helmet off even inside the house. Ah, good times. But as you can see, “the man” was clearly involved in this situation, causing global warming and setting the standard for business casual attire to ensure I’d be sweating my Adonis like ass off in my very beige slacks. Not cool “man”, not cool at all!

Score
Mike: 1 - For finally being able to prove he’s not just paranoid
The man: 1 – For a game well played

Posted by cZulander at 08:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)