Mike's "I hate blogs" blog

That's right, you're not imagining things - there's a gigantic boob in this picture. Whoever carved this into the western Virginia landscape really needs to find something better to do with his time. Like writing a blog.

Not that I have a problem with large sculptures or breasts for that matter. I often group them into the same category of "beautiful but distracting." My problem lies in the fact that if Virginia is your 18 year old, busty cousin, the Midwest is more like your flat chested neighbor: you know you don't belong in Virginia, but boy wouldn't it be a lot more fun.

Posted by cZulander at 10:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I’ve always been of the opinion that “the man” is out to get me. At different times and in different situations, the idea of whom or what “the man” is has changed, transcending gender, ideological and metaphysical realms. Now most would scuff at the notion that a being or force in the universe viewed me important enough to take the time out of its busy schedule just to screw with me. Before you fall into the same trap dear reader, realize that these people simply don’t know how important I am and their little minds have only a simpleton’s concept of time. I pray you don’t fall into the same trap. For the disbelievers out there, allow me to illustrate.

Continue reading "The truth about global warming" »

Posted by cZulander at 08:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

So my job is as perky as ... no, wait, that kind of beginning will just lead us in a completely wrong direction. Let’s try again. While the life of an intern is far from glamorous, the employer realizes this and tries to bedazzle and distract the white collar equivalent of a sweat shop laborer by showing him many a shiny object. We’re started off easy by being shown a giant goblet and then driving around in zero-radius circles before finally reaching the pinnacle of the internship: construction machinery.

Continue reading "Perks of the job, numero tres" »

Posted by cZulander at 02:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

There are days when you hear someone speak and you know that you are in the presence of genius; that you’ve just heard an idea so simple and yet so radical that it actually has a chance to change the world as we know it. Those who have spent even five minutes with me can attest to that feeling, but (for once) I am writing about someone else. I had the pleasure of hearing William McDonough speak about his idea of turning waste into food (not literally) and taking the concepts found in nature and using them in industrial design.

Continue reading "Robbing the cradle" »

Posted by cZulander at 01:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Living in cubicle land for a month has not come without its casualties, mostly inflicted by others upon my meek self. One very quickly becomes acquainted with the (annoying) habits of nearby occupants and hallway passer-bys. For example, take the guy who routinely whistles and snaps his fingers while walking. Frankly, I don’t care if he just had the most wonderful night of his life, waking up to the soft caresses of Heidi Klum and Eva Longoria or Clay Aiken and David Hasselhoff or even a sheep and a cow for all I know and care, but that does not give him the right to annoy the crap out of me.

Continue reading "Cubicle Hell (or why Mondays suck)" »

Posted by cZulander at 12:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Ok, so this entry is a week late, but how often do you get your picture taken with the Stanley Cup? I don't know how that is an excuse, but I typed it so it is not for you to question. Back to the story. Evidently John Deere is a big sponsor of the Carolina Hurricanes aka The 'Canes aka a hockey team in a state which hasn't seen naturally occurring ice since the last ice age. As a thank you for all of those mega-millions (likely spent on evenly distributing ice cubes on the floor of the hockey rink), the team brings the Cup to our offices. Now, this is a pretty raw deal if you ask me. First of all, whether The ‘Canes win or loose you still have to pay the same amount and secondly its not really the team that bring the cup but rather some low-level lackeys who evidently are too distracted by the shine coming off the damned thing to be able to tell the time correctly and end up arriving an hour late.

Continue reading "Perks continued" »

Posted by cZulander at 10:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Fortunately my name isn't Jack and I was able to get some play time in today. One of the general managers of the Golf & Turf division took us down for a factory tour at the Fuquay Varina (I mean, common people, who the hell names these cities) plant. We also had the opportunity to drive some of the equipment produced by the factory on our very own simulation golf course.

Continue reading "The perks of the job" »

Posted by cZulander at 10:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

There are days when “it’s a small world after all” is less of a comfort or a cute Disney song and more a poignant reminder of how the world is out to screw me. In short:

Went to a bar for happy hour Thursday night. It was a pretty quiet place.
Ended up bitching about the internship with the other interns.
Turns out the guy sitting one seat away from us is a senior director.
We find this out only when another director approaches and introduces us.

No pink slip on the desk Friday morning, so at least that seems like a good sign.

Score
Mike: 0 – for being beaten by the man
The man: 1 – for passing one over on Mike

Posted by cZulander at 11:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

After many hours of video editing and wondering why on earth I actually thought this was a good idea, the story of my journey which I promised earlier is finally here.

So what happens when you put a GSB student in a car, give him a video camera and send him on a 1,000 mile journey through some of the most boring roadways in America? Hilarity, that's what.

Continue reading "I know how you drove this summer" »

Posted by cZulander at 04:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I can't believe it's been a week since I've moved to NC. So, how is my internship going? Really well actually, once you get past the IT hiccups. Perhaps my experience showcases why I got the heck out of the IT field, as nothing ever works correctly the first time out of the box, especially when you get into multi-platform communications. But this isn’t a diatribe on the current state of technology, so here are my summer work stats at a glance:
Boss – great guy; fun & nice
Co-workers – mostly older, mostly quiet
Babes – 2

Continue reading "Where has the week gone?" »

Posted by cZulander at 07:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

As the saying goes, "When in Rome, go see a Bulls game" but then again I've never been good at remembering things, squash and wood carving. I forget where I was going with this. Anyhow, it was John Deere day at the Durham Bulls game yesterday meaning the poor suckers who work there received discounted tickets and "Bulls Bucks" to spend on beer. The moolah wasn't limited to just this one item, but this is a baseball game where I’m told part of the “fun” is to get drunk and make an ass of yourself.

Continue reading "Running of the Bulls" »

Posted by cZulander at 11:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

After 1,039 miles, countless states (ok, only 7 and one district but I bet you small birds and mammals couldn't count that high) I have reached my summer destination. Safely. Well, at least for me and not the millions of bugs now scattered over the front of my car. So, how is North Carolina? Allow this image to summarize:

Continue reading "Finally a safe arrival" »

Posted by cZulander at 10:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I left Chicago early Thursday morning headed to Maryland. Although my internship is actually in Cary, NC I was hoping to visit friends along the eastern seaboard and split the trip into multiple shorter distances. Unfortunately, I don't seem to know anyone that lives anywhere between IL and MD so the first leg was a 700 mile drive. (click on read more for a few pictures from the trip).

Continue reading "Almost there..." »

Posted by cZulander at 11:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)