Happy New Year
Happy New Year everyone. I know I haven't written in a while but I have many new entries planned for this new year, so once and for all get off my new back.
January 01, 2007
October 15, 2006
Exit 88 to Climax
The road to Climax can be a tricky one – there are sharp turns, blind corners and unexpected bumps along the way but with enough patience, care and guidance from others it is well worth the experience. I was tipped off to Climax by Google of all things (it’s amazing what you can find on the Internet) while planning my trip to Michigan.
According to the directions, I could reach Climax by simply getting off the highway. Intrigued, I followed the instructions only to find no signs or directions on how to reach the actual Climax. All I had was an arrow pointing to its general vicinity. It felt like I had traveled all this way only to be let down at the very last moment. Refusing to give up so easily, I made a final dash at full speed for Climax. It turned out that the street I was on led to a fork in the road where I needed to blindly guess which way Climax laid. Perspiring from the stress of fumbling about in the figurative dark, I was momentarily frozen by having to figure out on the spot which way to go.
October 03, 2006
My word is your command
So I was cooking dinner the other night, and said to myself “This chicken vindaloo is going to be so hot, it’ll bring tears to my eyes.” Not five minutes later, while stirring the delicious concoction, the damn thing splashes into my eye causing me to well up with tears before running to the sink to wash it out. After the cursing had ended (so about an hour later) I realized that I had a “gift” of dictating the future. My subsequent wishes, which will remain nameless, have yet to come true but let me warn enemies of mine to shake in fear and ask for help making a large deposit of gold bars to my bank. I’m not sure what I’ll do with all the virgins when they’ll arrive, but from what I’ve seen in “videos” those kinds of girls somehow find a way of entertaining themselves.
Score
Mike: 1 – For being a fortune telling super genie
My bank: 1 – For the influx of capital at your ridiculously low interest rates
The virgins: 1 – This is just way too obvious if you’ve ever read this blog
September 24, 2006
You all suck
So I've been getting crap from a number of people that I haven't been updating my blog recently. This is “interesting” in that most individuals know I could give less than a crap about their opinions. Being told to update my blog is akin to a waiter looking me straight in the eyes when taking my order – a problem normally solved by a firm smack across that insolent face. However, with recent school violence legislation I fear utilizing the same solution for both issues will have very different results. In the former, the food comes out a bit undercooked and on the moist side. In the latter, a guy named Bubba asks me to bend down and grab the soap for him. He thanks me after I retrieve it and we end up discussing the problems with insolent waiters, but frankly at this point in the recruiting cycle I’d prefer to update my blog than make idle chit chat.
Score:
Mike: 0 – I’m writing this, ain’t I?
People who claim to be my “friends”: 1 - I’m writing this, ain’t I?
Bubba: 1 – I miss you man
August 10, 2006
Ze Germans are not coming
There seems to be a disconnect between the two sides of the Atlantic. On the right side (which is the left side) where I reside, people respect me. I know this for a fact, even without drinking. It is the wrong side (the right side) that hasn’t gotten the message of my (self) importance. I give you as Exhibit A an e-mail I recently received from a company in Germany regarding my on-line purchase.
July 26, 2006
Robbing the cradle
There are days when you hear someone speak and you know that you are in the presence of genius; that you’ve just heard an idea so simple and yet so radical that it actually has a chance to change the world as we know it. Those who have spent even five minutes with me can attest to that feeling, but (for once) I am writing about someone else. I had the pleasure of hearing William McDonough speak about his idea of turning waste into food (not literally) and taking the concepts found in nature and using them in industrial design.
July 24, 2006
A Monday's distraction
For this (belated) Friday’s distraction, I present for your amusement a real life story. Most of the events described below actually occurred (in one fashion or another) with the unfortunate part being that they happened to me. The tale begins with my unusually prompt arrival at the RDU for my flight to O’hare. Having been notified by United (go SMS flight updates!) that my flight was going to be minimally delayed, I had steeled myself mentally for the wait. Little did I know that this 30 minute delay would turn into a three hour ordeal. As the departure time advanced further and further into the night, I decided that beyond steel, my mind needed liquid reinforcement. A short jaunt down the terminal found me at the neighborhood “bar & grill”, a locale soon to be filled with the rest of the crew from the SS Minnow.
July 04, 2006
Happy 4th of July
Happy 4th of July dear blog readers, illicit government eavesdroppers and web crawling 'bots. I hope that you had the opportunity to celebrate Independence Day like the forefathers always intended, with a cheap domestic beer in one hand, a hamburger in the other and a bucket of freedom fries in all of their vein clogging goodness finely balanced on your lap. I know I did, although instead of a barbeque, I chose to (well, was forced to) conduct my celebration in the nation’s capital (well, the nation’s capital’s airport’s restaurant’s bar’s seating area’s chair).
June 30, 2006
This Friday's Distraction
So its the Friday before the 4th of July weekend, so chances are none of you are working hard (if at all) anyway. To help with your goal of procrastination, I present some of this week's most...interesting (?) news stories:
Proof that pigs can fly (oh man, I'm going to hell for that one).
Instead of warning parents about sexual predators targeting teens through Myspace, Dateline should warn predators about teens targeting them.
And finally, what happens when religious clowns go crazy? People ask themselves exactly what kind of websites I visit to find these stories and then click this link to find out.
June 25, 2006
I know how you drove this summer
After many hours of video editing and wondering why on earth I actually thought this was a good idea, the story of my journey which I promised earlier is finally here.
So what happens when you put a GSB student in a car, give him a video camera and send him on a 1,000 mile journey through some of the most boring roadways in America? Hilarity, that's what.
June 23, 2006
Hooray for Friday
It's Friday, which means we've all survived yet another week slaving away for "the man." If you're bummed because you screwed up at work this week, got yelled at by your boss or made yet another faux pas in front of the hottest intern at your office, know that there is at least one person out there who is having an even worse time at life than you. From http://www.kirotv.com/news/9413774/detail.html:
"Officers responding to a welfare check of a man in a tree in Kitsap County accidentally shot the man in an attempt to use a Taser on him."
Let this also be a life lesson to you - if you climb a tree to rescue a cat, to have some quiet time to gather your thoughts or if you are just looking for some exercise, do it quickly because otherwise the cops will come and shoot you. Have a good weekend everybody!
June 22, 2006
Trifecta of lessons
In life, lessons come at the most unexpected of times. If today is any sort of indication they also seem to travel in packs, like the wilder beast of the Serengeti, but with less noise and a better smell. So what did I learn today?
Lesson #1: Non-dairy powdered creamer does not dissolve well in cold water. And by well, I mean not at all
Lesson #2: Fidelity likes to mess with people's heads
Lesson #3: Buying liquor in a state different than the one you reside in triggers a fraud alert on your credit card